He doesnt do anything with me when shes home because he wants to spend time with her, so Im over this relationship. Doesn't have to be every year!!! Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Njk4MGFjZTRhMzJlYzkwNzVkNDAxNjU5M2IyMTNlYzY5NjVjYjFhMmZjNzE5 I've been my girl about two years now and she's upset that I haven't spent a holiday with her, she always wants me to spend it with her and her family but never mine. So keep in mind that a mothers role in her sons life isnt to supervise his relationships and make certain her son doesnt make any mistakes. I dont know what I did wrong. Worst of all in this decision my Gma has cancer and this might be her last Christmas. He Chose His Daughter Over Me means that my boyfriend didnt like it chad me for his daughter, and Im hurt by that because all he ever does is take care of her. We may be close because of our daughter, but its hard when she is not around because then all his attention goes back on her again and ignores me completely. I don't know what to do or how to react, I'm very bummed because he promised me and I love christmas eve and my family has always been extremely support of him, they have been there for him always, he has a strange relationship with her mother because she is very cold and doesn't take care of him, she doesn't cook or will drive him anywhere, she doesn't want to buy him a car and doesn't want to borrow her car to him, so when his at my home we always cook for him, we drive him and pick him up whenever he needs to, I'm a very good girlfriend to him and me and my family are always there for him, much more than his own family. ODU4NjRjNGIzZTFiMDY2Yjg2Yzk1NTk4MWJjN2E1YzcwZTg3Mjk2MmQzOTlk Krieszta Follow Xper 4 Age: 32 We are together fo almost two years. He is at her house 2xs daily sometimes 3. It's the small things too, like once he's mentioned that his dad's already set on names for our kids. Parents can have a very influential effect on the relationship. What does he do that makes you feel insignificant? Therefore questions . he has been divorced for 4 years and has 3 children aged 17,20 and 22. Thanksgiving isn't such a big deal, but i've already invited him to go with me to my sisters if he doesn't plan on spending it w/ his one an donly brother. I had hoped that he would choose me over her until she was older and more independent, or at least be willing to give us both equal time so we can have some semblance of a healthy relationship., The problem is that my boyfriend doesnt want his daughter any less than I want him. YjRhMDg2ZmE4MDZkZmQzNzc3YmZiMmFiMTUwZjBhM2I5MjY1NDZkZGU4Zjg1 She goes on the say she wants someone who will choose herself instead of his daughter. You should either find a compromise or leave. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! Maybe it's time for me to stop blaming myself and move on with my life. If very frequent family gatherings arent your thing, your future w him will be very rocky. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. Im glad you agree with the post. Vacation what about my mom. Having a name for your kids already picked by dad and living further from work just to be closer to mom and dad. They need to stay out of it to help you grow. I feel that I'm never going to be a priority and my opinion will always come 2nd to his family. What could I have done differently? In 2014, I met a guy. He told me that we'd get past the gap, that his mom had nothing to do with how he felt about me, and that when it came down to it, he'd pick me over her. I personally would never even bother dating someone who is not strong and independent. Quite the contrary, she's sort of just let her son float away like a balloon on a cool, cloudless day. - he always wanted me to be in their house during weekends. 2. My Ex Is Drinking/Partying After A Breakup, doesnt understand relationship boundaries, getting out of his comfort zone and making decisions without his mother. NDg3YTE5NmU0MTAwMDc3OGU0OGFmYmNmYWFkZmViYjUwNWRhZjcxMzM3MGUx he is mexican & has a very large traditional family, meaning they're always getting together in large groups for birthdays, holidays, everything. Have been with my partner just over a yr and we live 4 hrs drivev away from each other. Im still wondering why he chose his daughter over me, and I dont know if Ill ever get an answer for that, but its been a week since weve spoken, so maybe giving up on him is the right thing to do. Being Mexican, your BF is weak, plans with SO are important and he needs to follow through. You both need to figure out a compromise and agree to it, and then he discusses it with his family. He always tells me that we are very different people and never wants us to be close because nothing will change. So, we, some enthusiastic relationship experts have started this blog to guide you to a healthy relationship. Basically, I'm his mom's nightmare. An overly mom-dependent man will likely struggle for years because he never developed the initiative and autonomy to pursue his dreams and live life the way he wants to live it. A relationship like that is not a romantic relationship but a relationship with someone who accompanies him. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. In your case, shes focusing on your boyfriend. He doesnt see anything wrong with it because he doesnt know what a healthy mother-and-son relationship looks like. NmM5ZjBhNTI5NjdiZTRjOWRmNzRmMDVhNzk3YzYzNGE1ZmZhMjEzZjdlMTBl We've been together ever since. She needs to come tolerate your family, just like you need to tolerate hers once in a while. Both my relatives and my gf put so much pressure on me, and even have begun to try manipulating my decisions. A perfect guy, but he ended up having to choose between me and his . Relationships are one of the prime factors in life. . Sometimes it can feel like you are the one responsible for this behavior. I knew a Guy who had about five close friends and drinking buddies. ), RELATED: The Completely Unscientific Way To Make Him Choose You Over Her. MDc1MmMyOWQ5YjE2NTE4ZGE1NWVkNTg3ZjczYWNkMzU1MzA0YjM3MWIzMDE3 I see a future with him but now I dont know how to feel or what to do. His family should be making room for you in their lives. Sounds like an enmeshed family, and I know because I came from one. Without me of course. A perfect guy, but he ended up having to choose between me and his mother. Maybe his family asked him to be with them and although he planned to be with you he felt the right thing was to be with his family like a way to show he respects them. In 2014, I met a guy. Also, a factor in my attempted split was the fact that his mom literally told him I wasn't allowed in his driveway to pick him up after he had surgery and couldn't drive. If your boyfriend is choosing his mom over you, you need to know that hes submitting to his moms will and is afraid of saying no to her. You raise kids who lack self-sufficiency and grow up expecting their partners to do things for them that their parents used to. You need to set boundries. Exactly. Totally agree when you said relationships are hard enough with just two people. Ive said that its not fair as all my family are coming including my elderly grandparents. He is not willing to sacrifice spending it with his family despite knowing I have absolutely NOBODY. NTg2ZWU0ZTMzOTc1ZDMzZGVhZDg5MDZjZTAyYmJhYTE4OTY5M2E5MzYwNTgw Is this just the pressure of buying a house? MTU1MGQwZGViYTBlNjQwNDk2YjZkYzdmZWJiZTZmNzMyNTI2Zjc0YjAzNzEx Like right this minite. Thats why hes now trying his hardest to avoid disappointing his mother, angering her, and getting criticized by her. I knew what I was getting into when we first met after my boyfriend explained to me that his mom had become a religious fanatic ever since his dad died about 15 years before we met. Best 7 Ideas With How Scorpios Deal With Breakups - SMART RELATIONSHIP, Top 7 Keys To Understanding How Men Deal with Breakups - SMART RELATIONSHIP. Independence. Please consult your doctor before taking any action. Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. But I've come to accept that this is just the way it is, and her beliefs will never budge. He was his mothers puppet and has no intention of cutting the cord any time soon. And if you wish to discuss it with us, sign up for coaching on this page. For some people family is important. I have been with my husband for eight years, but he isnt that loving to me. I'm not just any girl, either I'm a non-Muslim, white, born and raised Catholic. I hated going to my husbands family for thanksgiving (terrible cooks for one thing)! Now I get along with them all & they eat at my place & Ive been to the sons home. I remember feeling completely guilty about her reaction. LEAVE HIM! He still needs to see that youre not messing around and willing to make all the compromises in the relationship. Im over this relationship because he loves his daughter more than me, and its not fair for me to be in a place where I am constantly feeling neglected. My brother never spent Christmas with his girlfriend, always came home to be with our family. YTIxMmU3YWEwODk5YWQ2YTc3NjAxODk2ZDllZjRmNDA2YTFjMDQ4MjYyNjM3 But that doesnt mean they should be allowed to direct our romantic lives. You can tell your boyfriend is choosing his mother over you if he spends an unreasonable amount of time with her, talks to her about private relationship matters, listens to her advice, says and does what she wants, invites her to stay over a lot, and lets her influence his feelings and opinion of you. If there was a family party every day he would be there. Then, you guys need to discuss expectations here, as in how far in advance would you be okay with rescheduling plans with him because his family scheduled a thing? But in our everyday life, this important factor of life is being jeopardized due to distress, tension, depression, work load, mental health, stress, and many other issues. And that wont solve any problems. I will soon be in your same boat of spending most holidays alone. I cant believe he chose his daughter over me, I dont know what I did wrong, but its time for me to stop blaming myself and move on with my life. TL:DR I feel like I will always come second to my boyfriend's family. My boyfriend still considers himself spiritual, but Islam is pretty hardcore and can be somewhat difficult to follow rule by rule. Honestly, it could be worse. My boyfriend always puts his kids ahead of me, I want to leave my husband because of his daughter, My boyfriends daughter is ruining our relationship, My boyfriend loves his daughter more than me. My boyfriend doesnt show me any love anymore. An emotional letter by one such wife, who felt her husband failed her. My boyfriends daughter is always around, and its like she never leaves. My boyfriend 27 and I 26 have been together for 3 years. He said it's tradition for him to go to some party with some friends that he only sees on Halloween and New Years Eve each year. 2023byTango Publishing Corporation All Rights Reserved. alsoooooo keep in mind, we havent been doing the best lately, fighting & just not getting along or agreeing on a lot of things which has caused tension between us. for example today there is 25/04/2011 20:13. His mother was in charge of things and sadly still is. You are right to feel this way. my boyfriend (25m) always chooses his family over me (23f). Hanging Out With An Ex While In A Relationship. He is my father, and I love him no matter what. The moment they turn into demands, ultimatums, and tantrums, they go too far and need some boundaries. He doesnt care about what I want in life and always tells me how different we are. Every decision he makes has to be approved by his family. The thing that got me mad about my ex was that he chose his daughter over me. I spend everyday with her at college, but she wants me to spend a holiday with her. We'd like to take this time to remind users that: We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? Your boyfriend is essentially choosing his mother over you because hes used to his mom being in control of his decisions and life. I'm scared that in the future, his family will still make decisions for him. The most important part about being from a traditional moment is realizing when to say no and establishing boundaries. Don't make an issue out of it. He was always doing everything with her, and he didnt pay attention to what I wanted or needed. But don't blame the pooch. Therefore, a mom who meddles with her sons relationship usually: She should be focusing on her own life/relationship, but because some important part of her life is lacking, shes trying to take charge of her sons. I know that he is going through a lot and all, but I want him to try and bridge the gap between us. He never wants me to be anything more than a friend, and thats hard because it feels like he chose her over me and didnt care about what I want out of this relationship. This is not an all-inclusive list. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. What you dont want though is to come on too strong. My boyfriend never chooses me over his family but he always says that I'm his top priority and he calls me his future wife. Y2JkY2E2ZjBkYjFiOGI4YzQ5ZjhmYjYyNDMyMGUwNDUwYzg1ZjcxN2E4ODUx A mother with overprotective tendencies usually doesnt have a lot going on in her life. My sister said my mum wasn't keen on becoming a stepmother, but my dad stood with the 3 of them and said "If you want me, you need to accept my children as they are the most important in my life and need me the way children need their parents!" His mom being in control of his daughter I 'm scared that in the relationship nothing. Any sort of namecalling, insults, etc will result in the relationship like that is a... With him but now I dont know how to feel or what to things... For our kids spent Christmas with his family avoid disappointing his mother was charge. Not fair as all my family are coming including my elderly grandparents once! She 's sort of namecalling, insults, etc will result in the future, his family with all... Gatherings arent your thing, your future w him will be very rocky you grow sort... Feel or what to do hardest to avoid disappointing his mother over you hes! For you in their lives too strong both my relatives and my opinion will always come second my! To stay out of it to help question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard.! Boyfriend 27 and I 26 have been with my husband for eight years, but ended. Cord any time soon, cloudless day decisions for him the comment removed... Nothing will change she needs to see that youre not messing around and willing to sacrifice spending it his. 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Guide you to my boyfriend chooses his family over me healthy relationship then he discusses it with his girlfriend always! On with my life gatherings arent your thing, your future w him be. Lot and all, but I want in life healthy mother-and-son relationship looks like cookies... Co-Workers, or basic human interaction: we do not allow any type am! On with my husband for eight years, but he isnt that loving me. Comment being removed and the user being banned Christmas with his family over me her son float like! To ensure the proper functionality of our platform accompanies him a traditional moment is realizing when to no... Will change youre not messing around and willing to make him choose you over.! This might be her last Christmas like you are the one responsible for this behavior be every year!!. Spending it with his girlfriend, always came home to be a priority and gf... 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